we bled for our love;

dear god, we bled

for our love.

“because we are still

flesh and blood. because

we are not

yet stardust.”

and until the day

we returned into the arms

of the constellations above,

let our mortal bodies turn 

black and blue.

let me ache with the pain

of longing

for you.



​Don’t tell me to return,

you’ve never been my home.

I know you’d rather watch me burn than sit through your nights alone.

It never mattered to you if it did any harm,

as long as you know that there’s a fire to keep you warm.

Don’t tell me to stand strong,

as if you’ve never done me wrong.

Don’t tell me not to wither, 

you’ve had me under your thumb all along.

Don’t tell me not to burn bridges,

I’m teetering near the edges, 

I’m inches away from the fall.

Don’t ask me to close my eyes,

don’t ask me to follow you. 

Don’t tell me not to peek and expect me to follow through. 

You’ve been leading me to dark corners under cloudy skies and countless dead ends.

You’ve been leading me down through roads I never wanted, 

not when I haven’t yet made amends.

Don’t tell me how to act, 

don’t tell me how to feel,

you never had to pretend your feelings were ever real.

But still you kept me in chains, telling me that you own me;

you never even wanted me.


Attrister (French): to sadden, to make sad


I want to write about you, and the things that make me think of you,

peering outside the window at late evening hours, watching the city lights glow gently,

blue neon lights against brick walls inside empty alleys,

long road trips with the radio on, playing the same songs over and over again,

staying in bed all day, listening to the pouring rain,

heartfelt sonnets, songs that will never be played,

and the crumpled papers under my desk, filled with words forever left unsaid;


I want to write about the empty hole in my chest that gets bigger each time I hear your name,

and the creased photograph in the picture frame,

and how my stomach gets tied up in knots when I listen to songs that remind me of you,

and your smile that I’ve been losing sleep to,

and my heartbeat,

pacing up,

and up,

and up;

and the tears in my eyes,

filling up,

and up,

and up.


Bare skin against clean white sheets,
yours against mine.
Wide, hopeful eyes met each other,
with trembling hands
holding one another.
Your chest rising and falling
gently, calmly, slowly,
with the sound of the rain
pouring relentlessly and thunder,
a lullaby for me; slowly going under
with a heavy burden on my chest,
and a realization, never leaving me
to rest,

I can never make you mine, my dear.