Strings

I can still feel

millions of strings

tying my feet to the ground.

Why can’t I get back up?

Why can’t I soar up high?

Why can’t I smile again?

One of those strings is you;

telling me

that you

loved

me.

Another is also you, telling me that

you cared about me;

that I’m too precious

to be hurting myself

like that.

Another is, once again, you;

telling me that when I

hurt myself, I am also

hurting

you.

Another is you telling me that I am too much of a burden. Another is you telling me that my feelings are too much for you. Another is you telling me to stop trying to message you so much. Another is you turning your back away, telling me to go home when I told you that I needed to talk to you. Another is you, blaming me when I can’t meet you the next time because I was away. Another is you ignoring me on purpose every time we pass each other by on school corridors. Another is you only talking to me when you have something you need from me, and that something is always sex. Another is you telling me that my feelings no longer matter to you. Another is you telling me that what we had no longer matters to you. Another is you telling me that I no longer matter to you.

Another is you, telling me, to go on continue carving scars after scars on my skin and wishing for myself to die;

because you

no longer

care

about

me.
5 years have passed and I’m still trying to get back up.

I still trip every single time.

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